I seriously was unable to write until thirty minutes before midnight yesterday and now it’s 15 after and having barely made my deadline for yesterday, I’m now finding the need to let my inner voice take my blog for a spin. So, let’s bring you guys up to date on what’s been going on in my journey to being published!
First off, I’d like to apologize to my long-suffering husband who has now seen my well-kept house slowly slip into post-apocalyptic dystopia. Yea, it’s pretty bad. I’m fairly sure that if I don’t do laundry tomorrow that I’ll be sending my daughter to school in a paper bag. Use to be that on his days off he’d clean a bit and then on mine I’d do the same… two weeks – it’s been two weeks since I’ve touched anything and it’s really showing. *hides face in shame*
Secondly, I’d like to thank God in heaven above because my doctor had her nurse call with a diagnosis for my many seemingly unrelated symptoms: Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. Google it. Long and short of that is I now have some answers and while it *may* mean that our daughter will be our only kiddo, I can’t help but to feel blessed by having a child at all… that and the fact that it wasn’t one of the other things we feared it was. So… big shout out to the man upstairs for all my blessings.
Third, I’ve been a busy bee! I’m working on building up a portfolio of graphics so that (eventually) I might be able to sell a few book covers to pay for the services of a certain editor/writing coach (and maybe help out with that rather large window/door purchase we just made too!) While doing this and keeping up with normal mom/wife stuff and a larp, I’m also writing more than I have in YEARS. I’m on fire for writing right now and sadly there just doesn’t seem to be enough hours in the day for it. I’m making time, but I’m greedy and want more. I’m going with the fact that this is probably a good thing as I’ve entered several short story contests (most I can’t post here YET or they’d be DQ’d from the contest) and am hopeful of some recognition and perhaps even cash prizes.
As for larger projects, I’ve been working on some of my older stuff, but haven’t done shit for Arcadia Jane beyond brainstorming and write up some things from my own life. It doesn’t feel like progress, but I keep on keeping on and pray that I’m getting outside of my head a bit and that it is progress in the long term (if that makes sense?)
I’ve had some negative thoughts floating around in my skull recently and I’m trying not to let others hinder my view of my own work. As I always tell my daughter: Winners don’t quit. Quiters don’t win. I have to keep my eyes on my own projects and pull up my big girl panties and put my ass in the chair each day and just do it. I can’t measure my success by anyone else’s stick because my journey isn’t theirs and vice versa. Unfortunately I know that I can be my own harshest critic and by that I mean – until I’m published I’m probably not going to feel as though I’ve achieved any success at all … regardless of how much I write daily. It seems (to me) an ass backwards thing to think when logically I know all this writing is helping me to take something I’m passionate about and begin looking at it like a serious career and not just a hobby. And yet… I feel what I feel.
I’ve been invited to join up with a writers workshop which will start up soon and I’m becoming active with a writers community ( shout out to my @writingwenches go visit them at http://www.writingwenches.com/ ) and a few of us from TarValon.net are sharing stuff (though I’m woefully behind on reading for you Tara… I blame “The Fault In Our Stars” as I couldn’t put the damn thing down long enough to read anything else this past week!) Anyway, I’m hoping that being involved with other writers will help me find some sense of *searching for words* kinship? similarity? I guess I just want to know that I’m not the only one who has a house that’s falling apart, who is pushing through with doubts and fears, who is keeping on keeping on because on some level you KNOW that you’re stronger than you think you are and you keep praying that eventually you’ll wake up feeling that you’re the person you’re trying to be.
Do you have doubts? Time management issues? Do you have to keep lists like I do just to make it through? Why not share where you’re at in your journey with writing (or anything else) in the comments. I may not be able to pass along a REAL cup of tea for you today, but I promise to reply and commiserate with you.
Until next time everyone!